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Gender Neutrality

Twin of the Day – Penny: The polls are closed and the results have been tabulated. — It’s official: Penny is a cutie-pie! However, random people on the street often often mistake her for a boy — “What a handsome little fella.” Once we clarify the gender, we usually receive a swift apology along with a gender ‘appropriate’ compliment such as — “Beautiful!” or “Watch out daddy, she’s gonna be a diva!” This confusion is not surprising — Babies are androgynous. However, Penny has started asking questions.

“Daddy… I’m a girl! Isn’t it obvious?!”

“No, sweetie. It’s not… especially if you’re fully clothed and wearing gender neutral attire. — Would you prefer to exclusively wear pink?”

“No, daddy. — I don’t even understand why some colors are girly and others boyish.”

“It’s arbitrary, sweetie. —  Just like how in Italian, cars are considered feminine, and restaurants are masculine.

“That’s bananas! — Daddy, why is it important that people know my gender anyway?

“Not sure, sweetie. It doesn’t bother me if someone thinks you’re a boy.

“Then, why do you correct them?”

“Hmmm… Well, because it could get awkward if they ask follow up questions. — At that point, they’d wonder why I didn’t correct them in the first place — And then I WOULD look like the jerk.”

“Daddy, I can’t picture anyone ever getting mad at you.”

“Thanks, sweetie. — Here, I’ll give you an example. Let’s role-play. I’ll be the man on the street, and you be me. Whatever I say, just go with the flow — don’t correct me.”

“Ok, daddy.”

“My, what a handsome young devil.’”

“Gee, thanks!”

“He looks like a future quarterback.”

“I hope so!”

“What’s his name?”

“Penelope.”

“Oh. Um. How’s his penis?”

Dadddy!! Grossss! Nobody would ever ask that!

“You never know, sweetie. It could be a valid question — Baby boys often spray pee on mommies and daddies during diaper changes.”

“OMG! Really, daddy!? That’s soooo gross! — So, Clemmy pees on you and mommy?”

“Huh!? Sweetie, are you kidding? — Clemmy is a GIRL!

“Really, daddy?! Are you sure? I could’ve sworn she was flirting with that baby girl down the hall.”

“Which girl?”

“Sue.”

“Sweetie, Sue is a BOY!”

“Whoa! What? Let me get this straight! — Clemmy is a GIRL? And Sue is a BOY?”

“Yes, sweetie. — Do you see them differently now?

“No daddy. Not at all.”

“Are you gonna start flirting with Sue now?”

“Noooo! Don’t get me wrong, daddy… Sue’s a charming young man, but Clemmy can have him.”

“Is there anyone YOU like, sweetie?”

“To be honest, I don’t know, daddy. — In this era of gender neutrality, I think I’m gonna abstain from dating. — At least until I can see some Adam’s apples and facial hair.

2 thoughts on “Gender Neutrality

  1. A boy named Sue?! Ridiculous!

    1. Not quite as ridiculous as a newborn boy who eats steak.

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