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Babies Love TV!

Twin of the Week – Penelope: The girls are fast approaching 6-months of age. My wife and I started watching Game of Thrones after the girls were born. WOW! What a show! Good thing the girls aren’t crawling yet. Or maybe they are. Who knows? We haven’t made eye contact with them since Episode 1. I didn’t feel guilty about watching TV with the girls when they were newborns — it seemed like a victimless crime. However, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that parents should avoid TV consumption by children under two years of age. So, for the sake of the girls, my wife and I have greatly reduced our own TV consumption — much to the detriment of our own sanity. Clementine seems content with or without TV on in the background, but Penelope has not been pleased with this major lifestyle change.

“Goodnight, daddy.”

“Goodnight, sweetie.”

“AND?”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“AND?”

“If they do, punch em’ and punch em’ till they’re black and blue! Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Hey, daddy?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“What happens after I go to bed?”

“Good question, sweetie. As you fall asleep your mind goes through a series of sleep cycles, culminating in REM, which is when dreaming occurs.”

“Dadddy! You know I what I mean! What do you and mommy do?”

“Oh, nothing special, sweetie. We usually just watch TV or talk about world events — boring stuff.

“Hey, daddy?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Can I stay up with you and mommy tonight?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. It’s your bedtime.”

“Why do babies have to go to bed so early, daddy?”

“Babies need twice as much sleep as adults do, sweetie. It’s essential to your cognitive development.”

“But I’m not tired!”

“It doesn’t matter, sweetie. You’re on a sleep schedule. Trust me, you’ll learn to appreciate the sense of familiarity that results from a regular routine.”

“You know what I think? I think sleep schedules are made up by mommies and daddies. I think you and mommy just want time to yourselves for smoochie smoochie.”

“Definitely not that last part, sweetie. To be honest, we’re watching Game of Thrones, which is not appropriate for babies.”

“It doesn’t matter, daddy. I have no idea what’s happening on the screen. I’m just mesmerized by the glowing box.”

“Either way, it’s not healthy, sweetie. You could suffer developmental delays.”

“OMG, daddy! You’ve been letting us watch TV for months!”

“Yes, but very sparingly, sweetie — when I’m overwhelmed.”

“Sparingly? Daddy, yesterday we watched Finding Dory on repeat!”

“I thought you were sleeping the second time.”

“Really? Is that why you placed my rocker right in front of the TV?”

“That’s my bad, sweetie. I was exhausted from the holidays, and tried to take a shortcut instead of parenting.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself, daddy. You read us six books today!”

“That’s true, sweetie, but not impressive by adult standards. They were mostly picture books.”

“Either way, you can’t spend 24 hours a day reading to us and playing peek-a-boo.”

“Amen to that, sweetie. Parenting is so exhausting. It’s like serving at a restaurant… always having to be on for the customers.”

“Did you watch TV when you were an infant, daddy?”

“I don’t know, sweetie.”

“Exactly! How harmful could it be if you don’t remember?”

“Well, early TV exposure is also linked to attention problems. Your mom says I have ADD.”

“I guess she would know, daddy. She’s a psychologist.”

“Yes, and also because I’ve elbowed her on more than one occasion — I almost broke her nose at a comedy show.” 

“Because she didn’t laugh at your jokes?”

“No, sweetie. In fact, I killed! My elbow caught her nose as I excitedly high-fived another comedian.”

“Maybe you’ve been watching too much UFC, daddy.”

“Ironically, I usually elbow people while reading books. I’ve elbowed at least a few train passengers while turning a page.”

My god, daddy — you’re a real menace to society. I’m surprised you haven’t elbowed or dropped me and Clemmy.”

“Well, sweetie, a lot of parents are consumed with sleeping schedules, parenting styles, and whatnot. The way I see it, my only job as a parent is to NOT drop you guys… at least for a few years.”

“That’s swell, daddy, but if you don’t care about sleep schedules, why can’t I stay up with you and mommy?

“You know what I think? I think you suffer from FOMO.”

“Of course I do, daddy! I don’t know how many years on this earth I’ve got left, but I’m gonna get real weird with it.”

“I know how you feel, sweetie. When I was in high school, I’d hear kids talking about Friday night parties. I’d then spend the entire weekend feeling sorry for myself.”

“OMG, daddy. You were a LOSER!”

“Maybe I was, sweetie, but most of the so called cool kids peaked in high school. In the mean time, your dad’s been getting cooler every year.”

“Daddy, any man who must say ‘I am cool’ is not cool at all.”

 “Seriously, you don’t think I’m cool?”

“BAHAHAHAHA!”

“Really? What if I let you watch TV?”

“Oh. Um. Uh. You know, I just remembered I have to get up early tomorrow. I really need to work on my crawling.”

“You’re gonna pass up Game of Thrones!?”

“No offense, daddy, but I don’t think we can hang out anymore — I have a reputation to uphold.”

2 thoughts on “Babies Love TV!

  1. I love it….funny as can be………Love, Estelle

  2. I’m so glad that Penny has the sense to know that she needs to go to bed on time………Tomorrow she has to work on her crawling…..so funny.

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